Adrenaline, anxiety, Caretakers, Chronic illness, community, Coping, Faith, Garden, God, Hyper Pots, Hyperadrenergic POTS, Mobility, Overcoming, Parenting, Uncategorized, Weak

I didn’t know what was coming, but God did

Five years ago, my life changed. Two of the people I loved the most passed away. My grandfather who helped raise me and my cousin who was only 39. She had five-month-old twins. 

Trajedy like that brings clarity. I could see what really mattered and what I needed to change in my life. I was healthy then and the interesting thing is that all of the changes I made, ended up being amazing blessings when I became ill. 

I had been working 60-hour weeks. The stress was high and I was missing so much time with my little girls. I resigned. I was going to take a year off but ended up taking on part-time work from home instead. Luckily, I’ve been able to maintain this work even after becoming ill and it allows us the income for all of our necessities. 

I joined a church and made the proactive choice to surround myself with good people. These are the people who have shown up in my life since I got sick. They’ve brought food, journals, and kindenss when I needed it most.

We also bought this little house on a pretty piece of land. I was looking for somewhere that felt like a vacation. It’s tiny- two bedrooms and one bathroom, but outside, there’s room to roam. I can take short walks and feel restored… or winded. Living here has been such a blessing while being sick. The view from my bed is lovely and I have lots of little friends to keep me company. Plus, my cousin’s babies (who are five now) live just a few minutes away and I get to love on them for her. 

All these decisions have brought me joy during a tough season. I feel like God was lining my path with gifts to get me through. 

Retrospectively, don’t we always see how God was navigating things for our good? Even the hardest times, he lined with blessings. 

Recent Posts:

The Truths of Where I Am

I feel stronger and the gratitude I have for this is immeasurable. I am getting better about reading my body and learning my new limitations. My limitations are for my body, not my spirit. I need to rest several times throughout the day to be able to keep going. Once I get dressed, I rest.… Continue reading The Truths of Where I Am

Making space for my new life

In this new season of life, coffee and wine have been moved to the do not consume list. While I’m okay with that, I still miss the idea of what they represented for me: company, friends, comfort, warmth… I think that’s why I’ve been reluctant to tuck away the coffee pot and wine rack. John… Continue reading Making space for my new life

The frienDship fern

I’ve adored this fern for years. I’ve protected it from deer, replanted it as it grew, and sat in its shade as it hung from the porch eave.  Caring for it every morning was part of how I calmed myself. This winter, I was too sick to care for it during the freeze and it… Continue reading The frienDship fern

One good thing

Finding one good thing can make the world right again. Today, my good thing is very simple—cream of wheat. My stomach has been sick and my food choices, limited.  It’s been comforting to find one warm, soothing thing that I can eat. Would you believe that it’s become my equivalent for coffee and dessert? I’m… Continue reading One good thing

More than a walk

I’ve been feeling a little down lately. I think that’s normal. The world is coming alive again and it emphasizes some of my limitations. I cherish the days when I’m healthy enough to walk through the creek behind our little house. There are so many spots to stop and rest. Usually when I slow down,… Continue reading More than a walk

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Creating a “new normal” that honors God

As a people, we are not who we were pre-COVID-19. I am not who I was pre-dysautonomia diagnosis. I don’t think we would have gone through all of this to remain as we were.

As we are re-emerging into new lives and routines, I think it’s worth reevaluating what living should look like. This has to be different for all of us.

Here are some of the things I’ll be working on to live more deliberately:

Boundaries

I’ve always worried about what other people think of me. I know that’s normal but it’s also selfish if it limits how I serve others. It’s time I drew a line in the sand. My energy will go towards walking my path considerately while not worrying about how others see me. I don’t want to worry about how people will respond to who I am and what I say or do. I’m ready to allow people to be who they are, where they are, even when they disagree with me – without dimming the truths of my spirit.

Callings

A light has been shed on callings for how I spend my limited energy and a big part of that is a desire to serve those who are sick and do not have support systems. I’m going to figure out what this looks like. Before illness, my calling was family first. I loved being with my kids, soaking them up, and putting their little feet on a good path. Well, they’re strolling down their own paths beautifully, and I feel led to take some new journeys myself. I wonder – what is calling you…

Surrender

One of our biggest learnings is surely that we are not in control as much as we thought. Our days are limited. Our health is not promised. Our finances can change overnight. God is the one constant we have, the compass that never fails, the comforter who never leaves your side. I will surrender to his will because I know he leads me down the path that is best for the growth of my soul.

I think a “new normal” sounds hard, but oh so beautiful.


Recent Posts:

Relearning how to interact with the world when you run on a day-to-day baisis

With the world reopening and me feeling better, our schedules are getting busier again. My new limitations make things confusing to navigate. I want to say yes to taking my children to practices and birthday parties, to visiting with friends and family—but the reality is settling in that I run on a day-to-day basis and… Continue reading Relearning how to interact with the world when you run on a day-to-day baisis

The untended garden house

This is the first spring for our little garden house. It was a dream five years in the making. John worked so hard to design and build it. I researched plants and could see everything in my mind’s eye. Yet, in December, I started to feel unwell and grew sicker for the next few months.… Continue reading The untended garden house

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The untended garden house

This is the first spring for our little garden house. It was a dream five years in the making. John worked so hard to design and build it. I researched plants and could see everything in my mind’s eye.

Yet, in December, I started to feel unwell and grew sicker for the next few months. Once I understood the full scope of my illness, I knew a spring garden was not going to happen this year. Instead, it’s been left untended since winter. It’s seen snow, weeds, and intermittent showers.

What strikes me is how some of our fall plants have lingered and flourished without care. They’ve run wild beyond their borders and sprouted the loveliest flowers. Ladybugs are combating aphids, and wildflowers and cactus are encroaching upon the garden’s exterior walls.

It reminds me of something my grandfather used to say, “God willing.” When you’d invited him somewhere, his response was always, “God willing.” I’d laugh and knew he’d be there. Now, I better understand what he meant. We’re not in as much control as we’d like to believe. When you think of it, most of us will still have plans and dreams the day we leave this Earth. There will be things we don’t get to finish. We have to lean more deeply into “God willing.”

The loveliness of these surviving plants changed how I want to approach gardening next spring. I want an unkept garden with hardy plants that will do well even when I’m not able to care for them. Plants that surprise me with their strength and beauty. I think that’ll be a good metaphor for life.

Here are John’s design plans for the garden house.

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Things I used to hide

A year and a half ago, I posted these pics of our trip to Enchanted Rock. What I didn’t share was that I couldn’t make it up the hill. My body was so weak and tired. I stopped about a third of the way up. (A third of the way sounds pretty good to me… Continue reading Things I used to hide

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The spiritual attack I never saw coming

I never expected fellow Christians to be the ones to attack. To imply that I am embracing illness instead of putting my faith in God for healing. To say things like:

  • “Any sickness/disease is from satan. satan is trying to steal your quality of life, to destroy your purpose in life.”
  • “It sounds like your identity is who you are now with this disease.”
  • “Illness is NOT a blessing, it’s a curse!!!  If you think it’s a blessing you are agreeing with the evil one who put this on you and you will never be delivered from it…”
  • “You don’t need spiritual healing if you are a true child of God.”
  • “If you want your health and freedom back, then you have the authority as a child of the living God to take it back…”
  • “It seems that you need the renewing of your mind.”

Y’all… I’m not sick because I haven’t prayed hard enough for healing. That’s bananas! Let’s be clear—I buy none of what has been stated above and it will not shake me… not even a little. In fact, it shows me how I have to help protect my fellow neighbors who also undergo such attacks.

You see, when I became ill, it was not a dark night of the soul where I wrestled with my faith. Quite the opposite. I fell deeper into my faith. I felt comforted and loved. I felt my spirit growing and the inkling of new callings.

I believe that God heals and that healing comes in many forms. Yet, I don’t believe we are here to live struggle-free lives. Sometimes, we have judgments and biases that we don’t realize until a new situation sheds light on them. There is a humility and distilling of what matters when you become ill. I am thankful for what I’ve learned and what I continue to learn. I see now why people who have been through the toughest journeys become the best ambassadors . Why the woman who beat cancer runs the cancer foundation; why the mother who has lost a child leads a bereavement center. I will lead too. I feel that calling simmering in my soul. My identity is a child of God, not my illness—but I will use this illness for good. I will turn it around into something beautiful.

Good things can come from tough places. And here’s a big one-we can still find happiness on rough days. It’s all about what we do with our situations. I have so much more to learn and I fail daily—but I know that God is with me and has good things in store. He makes me strong enough to overcome, and I will overcome. When I receive these attacks, I have also received support. A kind friend helped me go through these attacks biblically. My church family has prayed over me for healing as well as to persevere. They have cared for my body and my spirit. They have brought me meals and journals. They have loved my children. This is the church of God. This is the family we make for one another.

Recent Posts:

My first day alone

Today is a day I have been dreading… John went back to the office. I dropped the girls off at school and came home to a dark house. The electricity was out and to my surprise, it felt comforting. I lit a candle, let the cat inside, and sat with the dog as we watched… Continue reading My first day alone

Better days are here

The first emotion I used to feel when I woke up was fear. Fear of putting my feet on the ground to see if I could stand. It was the gauge of whether or not I’d have a decent day or if I’d struggle. Well, I’ve recently had a slew of decent and even good… Continue reading Better days are here

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Blessings of Chronic Illness on Instagram

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When your identity is stripped away

Who are you? Your gifts, relationships, the roles you play?

Chronic illness (and any trauma really) will rob you of everything on your list at one time or another. It will take all that you thought you were, shatter it, and leave you to rebuild yourself in the light of humility.

Go ahead, scratch off each item… Every. Single. One.

  • I didn’t realize how vital being smart was to my identity until the brain fog hit and I had trouble keeping up at work.
  • I don’t feel like I’m a capable parent on days when my daughters are taking care of me.
  • I don’t feel tenacious when the most concrete thing I can produce in a day is dinner.
  • I don’t feel like much of a wife when my husband has to wash my hair.

What’s left of us when we scratch every adjective off the list?

What’s left when we’ve sifted through to the most granular parts of our being? Are we worth less?

I thought I knew myself well. I even thought that I loved myself. To my surprise, it was all conditional. Becoming ill showed me that much of my self-identity was built upon what I could accomplish, what I could earn. I played with my daughters, worked, was a loving partner, cared for ailing family members, invested in my friendships… and somehow that made me worthy. It made me, me. When I became ill, so much of that came to a stop. I could give very little and needed so much. I couldn’t earn the “worthiness” of the help I was receiving.

One evening, John told me that I was everything he could ever want… and I laughed. Through my fear, sadness, and anger—I couldn’t see the beauty he saw.

And though I couldn’t earn it, John’s love didn’t stop. No one’s did. I was slowly able to see how everyone around me was growing through helping me. I was not able to help them physically, but allowing them to help and love me was good for their spirits. When I was scared, John would sit with me until I fell asleep. My daughters would quickly run over to steady my balance when I stumbled. My friends were happy to sit beside me in the quiet and in the tears. My illness brought kindness to all of us.

I was left with a pivotal question—if they could love me unconditionally, could I love myself even if I felt like I hadn’t earned it?

While my body recovers, my spirit is hard at work too. I feel changes in unseen ways. I recognize the lies that have held me back: “you’re not worthy,” “your voice is not important,” “stay small and everything will be okay.”

God is shedding light on the truth—when my love for myself dwindles, His love for me is still there. Even if every person around me had fallen away, God would have been there with me, closer to me than my own breath.

There are days when I cannot physically contribute, but my spirit is not worth less. I will not be overtaken by illness. My heart is growing in humility and gratitude and I can see how I am deserving of love right where I am. We are all deserving of love right where we are.

So, what’s left when I remove every adjective from the list? What’s left is my spirit. What’s left is God in me.

Again, I ask — who are you?

My prayer is for you to see how beautiful and worthy you are, in your good moments, but especially in your tough ones.

Recent Posts:

A Diagnosis

For years, I’ve known something was wrong. Tests were normal. Doctors would point to anxiety and a vitamin deficiency and I’d be on my way. I’d tell John, “When I get to the other side, I’m going to ask God what this was. I have something they can’t figure out.” Two days after Christmas in… Continue reading A Diagnosis

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Start your week with a bible verse for reflection, positive quotes, and inspirational articles.

Here’s a little more about my story and how I’m coping with chronic illness.

 

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If God asked me if I wanted this path, what would I say?

I imagine God asking me, “Would you like an easy and beautiful life where your spirit grows a little, or would you like a challenging life that reshapes how you see the world? Either way, I’ll be with you.”

I’m fairly certain that I would have responded, “Easy is good. I can grow a little.”

Maybe that’s why this wasn’t my choice to make.

Sometimes, I want off this lifepath. I want my old body back with all of its freedom and abilities. Still, I know what’s more important than my physical healing is my spiritual healing. I feel Him with me on this journey. You see, no one truly understands what it’s like to live in my body at any given time except Him and me.

I live a life of paradoxes-but don’t we all? There are moments of total fear and complete surrender. Every day, I fail and succeed. I am weak and I am strong. I am mean and I am kind.

Being ill makes you reevaluate EVERYTHING. Especially who you are and how you interact with the world. Sometimes it can feel like your old life doesn’t make sense for you anymore. And the truth is, it may not, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

Before I became ill, I didn’t see how I could remove anything from my to-do list. My sense of self was dependent on how much I achieved and how well I achieved it. Now, there are days when I have to lay down to recover from showering. So, imagine how conscious I have to be in organizing my schedule to get everything else in: working, making meals, caring for my daughters, catching up with John… If something depletes me and doesn’t increase the greater good, I don’t have room for it. The result is that many of my past priorities have drifted away. My old sense of self is being redefined.

It feels like I’m cleaning my soul and making room for what really matters. In this season I’m finding spaces that I didn’t know existed and callings I didn’t expect. When I live like this, it gives me the energy I need for my new life. 

Still, there are things that must be done that I have little energy for. That’s the reality of it. Sometimes it’s something as simple as picking up the girls from school. My body can become weak and I drape myself over the console to rest as I drive. We’ll do homework. I’ll make dinner, then remind them 10 times to shower. I push myself and become exhausted and cranky. I’ll become angry that what little energy I have is spent on mundane to do’s. Yet, aren’t these the beautiful moments I live for, the small interactions with the people I love most? In these moments, I need such grace.

I suppose there are parts of me that still long for control and for achievement. My body is slowing me down and maybe that’s what my soul needed.

My friend sent me this picture. It fits where I am so perfectly.

Okay God… you make the path, just keep walking with me. Life doesn’t have to be easy for it to be good.

Thank you for reading this post.

I want so much for people to understand this journey – what we learn and how we grow through being sick.

If you’d like to join me, you can subscribe to this blog and its social accounts to stay up on new posts.

WITH MUCH LOVE, SARA

Blessings in your inbox every Sunday

Start your week with a bible verse for reflection, positive quotes, and inspirational articles.

Here’s a little more about my story and how I’m coping with chronic illness.

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Brainfog, Chronic illness, Circulation, Compression Stockings, Coping, Faith, God, Hyper Pots, Hyperadrenergic POTS, Levine Protocol, Mobility, Parenting, physical therapy, Salt Tablets, Uncategorized

Better days are here

The first emotion I used to feel when I woke up was fear. Fear of putting my feet on the ground to see if I could stand. It was the gauge of whether or not I’d have a decent day or if I’d struggle. Well, I’ve recently had a slew of decent and even good weeks (not days!). I no longer have doubts about putting my feet on the floor. I haven’t used a wheelchair in a while and only need my cane at night and for longer distances. I feel stronger and very hopeful.

I believe this flare is on its way out and I am so thankful for the prayers that have been said for me.

You prayed for more good days and they have been given.

I’m eager to see what my new baseline is and how my body works. My body is not what it was, but it’s better than it is has been. I’ve gone from struggling when upright, to being able to stand for almost 10 minutes. You can get so much done in 10 minutes! I may not be able to go to the grocery store yet (the thought of it still terrifies me), but I can make all of our meals. I can care for myself and then some. There are days when I even change out of pajamas. 😉

I used to lay down between work calls to get more blood to my brain, thinking it would clear the fog and that I’d be smart again. Now, I can work for longer periods. I wash my own hair, drive the kids to school, and do laundry. I’m going to let the girls keep packing their own lunches though. I think it’s good for them.

I don’t know what led to this upturn. We implemented many changes at one time, so it’s hard to tell what combination worked. I can tell you that it wasn’t the medication. My body didn’t handle the first trial of medicine well and I ended up in the hospital. Meds work beautifully for so many people. They just didn’t work for me… at least not right now.

I was surprised at how quickly my body deconditioned within the first few weeks of becoming ill. Now, I’m two months into the Levine Protocol physical therapy program and my strength is improving greatly. I take salt pills and drink extra fluids to increase my blood volume. I wear compression stockings to help me walk (they’re not pretty but I don’t get far without them). My diet has changed a lot too. Less carbs and sugar. No big meals. Lots of produce and protein. I’ll never be able to drink coffee or alcohol again. I thought this would bother me more than it actually does.  

Compression stockings are like magic feet for me. They give me strength and allow me to walk more independently.

One big lesson I’ve learned is to pace myself. I can’t do as much as I used to and that’s okay because I can do what matters. If I overdo it, I’ll be too weak to enjoy the next day. “I can’t spend my energy on that,” is the most common line that comes out of my mouth.

This past flare lasted over three months. I’ve never been sick that long in my life. I feel blessed that it wasn’t longer. I know that I’m still ill, that POTS doesn’t go away—but compared to the last few months, I feel pretty great!

This is new territory and I’m treading carefully, but I’m also enjoying every good day.

Thank you for reading this post.

I want so much for people to understand this journey – what we learn and how we grow through being sick.

If you’d like to join me, you can subscribe to this blog and its social accounts to stay up on new posts.

with much love, sara

Blessings in your inbox every Sunday

Start your week with a bible verse for reflection, positive quotes, and inspirational articles.

Here’s a little more about my story and how I’m coping with chronic illness

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Caretakers, Chronic illness, community, Coping, Faith, Fatigue, God, Hyper Pots, Hyperadrenergic POTS, Uncategorized, Weakness

I don’t want to lose the clarity of being sick once I get well

Being ill changes you. It lights a fire in your soul. More clearly than ever before, you see what’s important, what kind of life you want to live, and who you want to be with. For me, I have very limited energy so I have to be purposeful with it.

What surprised me was how being sick made me long to serve others. I don’t believe this is me, but God moving in me. I know what suffering is and I don’t want anyone else to feel like this. I know how to care for people in a way that I didn’t before. My heart is ready; my body is not quite there yet.

So, I do what I can from home: send encouraging texts, pray for people in my support groups, write a blog, and dream of how I can care for others when I’m well again.

I have these comforting memories from when I volunteered at nursing homes in high school. They’d give me a list of residents who didn’t receive visitors and I’d go chat with them. More than 20 years later, their faces are flashing clearly in my mind as I write this. All they wanted was love. I may not have been good at geometry or foreign language—but I was really good at love. It was more than that though. They saw me—just me, who I was, right where I was. The sick have a way of doing that. I watched the end of their journeys and I was surprised to find that I was happy for them when they passed away. I knew they were free.

Well, life grew more chaotic with every year and I became more self focused. I was either overwhelmed by my to do list or I would sink into the numbing light of my phone. I was exhausted, distracted, and just staying afloat.

I was so busy: work, family, friends… “a full life…”

And then it stopped.

Becoming ill with Hyperadrenergic POTS, a form of dysautonomia, cleared my schedule and made my circle small again. As I lie here, I keep thinking that when I heal, I want to serve those whose spirits are hurting. I want to hug those who are alone. I want to pray with those who are scared.

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”

1 Corinthians 15:58

I know that I will have better days—and I’m excited about that, but I don’t want to lose the fire for service that being ill has lit in my soul. I don’t want to go back to the routine of my adult life. I want to incorporate the kindness of my youth and the lessons of my struggle.

I’ve been so incredibly blessed to have support while being ill. I know others aren’t as lucky. And many suffer much more than I do. I’d like to find a way to spend my life serving them. I don’t know what that will look like but I’m praying about it. The answers will come and I need to make sure I’m ready.

We can tell people about God, but we also have to be His hands and feet to care for them when they are in need.

Thank you for reading this post.

I want so much for people to understand this journey – what we learn and how we grow through being sick.

If you’d like to join me, you can subscribe to this blog and its social accounts to stay up on new posts.

with much love, sara

Blessings in your inbox every Sunday

Start your week with a bible verse for reflection, positive quotes, and inspirational articles.

Here’s a little more about my story and how I cope with chronic illness.  Continue reading “I don’t want to lose the clarity of being sick once I get well”

Faith, God, Hyper Pots, Hyperadrenergic POTS, Legs, Mobility

When my feet fail, my faith will stand

When I was at my worst with POTS; I went from jogging, to stumbling, to crawling. This song came on the day I ordered my wheelchair. I fell apart into it. I’ve heard it before but never like I do now… “Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you never failed and you won’t start now.”

It’s been a hard few months—but today, my feet are standing firm. My cane and wheelchair are parked in the corner. I will follow whatever path God lays before me.

“You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown

Where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

 

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours

You are mine

 

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You’ve never failed

And You won’t start now

 

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours

And You are mine (You are mine)…”

oceans by hillsong united

There are many blessings in illness.

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I know what death feels like

My body stopped sending enough blood to my lungs. It felt like death, like a huge weight was crushing my chest and keeping me from breathing. I gasped and ripped off any constricting clothing, trying to find air.

I tried to sit up on the couch but hit the floor instead. And then, for some reason, I crawled as though I could crawl away from this, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t strip this off or crawl out of it. In some ways, I had to give in and in other ways, I had to fight.

My adrenaline went up (which it common with Hyper POTS), and my fear was palpable. I started hyperventilating, making everything worse.

With numb hands, I reached for the phone to call Dio, my friend who is also a gifted physician. She had me lay flat, put my legs in the air, and slow my breathing. I let her go to focus on breathing. Talking was too much work.

And slowly, the blood seeped back into my lungs and I could breathe beautifully as long as I stayed lying down. That’s because most POTS symptoms cease when you’re horizontal. My body is in a fight against gravity.

My fear subsided, leaving me sad and angry. I wanted to throw a massive tantrum but that would have stolen my air. So, I fought to stay calm and I let a few tears roll down my face. With each breath, I was learning to be mentally and emotionally tougher.

By now, Isla had drug over a blanket, my journals, and a book. I didn’t see her do it. It was like she just appeared and her presence was life. She opened the book and held its pages above my face to distract me. Then she drew pictures. I asked if she was scared and she said, “yes.” Which made me fight harder. I told her, “I’m sick but I’ll live. I’ll be here. I’ll be fine.”

John rubbed my legs and Ellie brushed my hair. Every time I tried to get up, the weight on my chest returned and I stopped because I didn’t want to feel like death again.

So, I made peace with staying on the floor until a thought hit me… I’ll have to go to the bathroom soon. No… I’d rather lie in my own urine than not be able to breathe again. We called my mom and asked her to pick up incontinence pads in case I needed them and I knew I’d need them.

After working a 12-hour shift, my mom arrived with the supplies that I didn’t want but needed. She talked with me. Strengthened me.

John moved a mattress to the living room floor and my mom helped roll me onto it. El climbed in with me. John and Isla laid on the couch next to the mattress. We slowly drifted to sleep.

Around four in the morning, I woke up, and fear flooded me. Could I sit up? Oh Lord, please let me sit up. Please let this be over. I slowly sat up… and I could breathe. It’s a better day.

This isn’t just me. This is my family. This is every chronically or terminally ill person out there and so many of them have it much worse. I’m lucky, I have an amazing support system. Can you imagine people who don’t? How much harder is it for them to fight, to find peace? We can’t just tell them about God, we have to be His hands and feet to care for them when they are in need.

A special thank you for caregivers:

“Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did it for Me.”

Matthew 25:40

Side note: 

When John took this pic, I looked at him angrily like, “What on earth are you doing?” He said he wanted a way to explain how bad things get if he needed to. Now, I’m glad he took it. It helps me remember how scared I was and that I got through it.

Thank you for reading this post.

I want so much for people to understand this journey – what we learn and how we grow through being sick.

If you’d like to join me, you can subscrcibe to this blog and its social accounts to stay up on new posts.

with much love, sara

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