Chronic illness, community, Uncategorized

The Truths of Where I Am

I feel stronger and the gratitude I have for this is immeasurable.

I am getting better about reading my body and learning my new limitations. My limitations are for my body, not my spirit.

I need to rest several times throughout the day to be able to keep going. Once I get dressed, I rest. After working for a few hours, I rest. After I go to the store, I rest. When dinner is finished, I rest. Rest is my fuel and a complete necessity. When I don’t rest, I become weaker and weaker, extremely irritable, dizzy, and a little confused. Laying down for 15 to 30 minutes is like medicine for me. When I remember this, I can achieve so much.

I am more comfortable going out into the world and being communicative as to my needs; especially as people cannot tell that I’m ill by looking at me. This is not easy. I don’t want to inconvenience anyone or be judged for parking in a handicap spot or using a motorized cart at the store… but that’s not my reality. People cannot see my inability to regulate my blood pressure, heart rate, and body temperature. My dizziness and blurred vision are not always evident to others. They don’t realize that the longer I’m upright, the more nauseous and disoriented I become. They see a seemingly healthy woman using services for people with disabilities. I understand the judgements that go along with this and am working hard to do what is best for me no matter what and to give grace to those who judge me. The blessing of this? I find my comfort in God, not in man.

I have more good days than bad days. The bad days always surprise me and take my breath away for a bit. The thought that usually comes to my mind is, “NO! I thought I was past this!” But this is a life-long journey for me and then, I always, always catch my breath again.

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Making space for my new life

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The frienDship fern

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One good thing

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More than a walk

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Relearning how to interact with the world when you run on a day-to-day baisis

With the world reopening and me feeling better, our schedules are getting busier again. My new limitations make things confusing to navigate. I want to say yes to taking my children to practices and birthday parties, to visiting with friends and family—but the reality is settling in that I run on a day-to-day basis and… Continue reading Relearning how to interact with the world when you run on a day-to-day baisis

The untended garden house

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