Our life has to be our message

I have a need to talk about what I’m living and learning right now, a calling maybe. I don’t think living with illness means you dwell in a corner and say that everything is great. I think there can be a helpful honestly here that binds us.

I’m often told to be careful with what I say. That my words have power. I believe they do. Yet, I don’t think that means I should preclude the honesty of how hard and beautiful this journey can be.

I pray. I cry. I have fears. I have strength. I am so completely human and yet I am on a path that has been created by God.

Some people want me to speak only healing words over myself so that I can become a testimony. Some people want me to say that I’m fine because the truth makes them uncomfortable. Some people genuinely want to know where I am on this journey.

Y’all, I’m not on the road to having a testimony. Every day that I live must be a testimony – one of devotion, perseverance, faith, surrender, gratitude… one of honesty.

If you ask me how I’m doing; I will tell you. And when I ask you how you’re doing; I hope you’ll tell me. I don’t want to hear what you’re trying to convince yourself of. I want to know exactly where you are so we can walk step in step together.

God didn’t give us the spirits we have so that we could pretend them into something else. Goals, faith, and determination are important. So is a clear view of our gifts in the present moment.

I have to remember that little eyes are watching how I navigate this life.

So, this is how I’m going to do life. I’m going to lean in to the inklings, to the callings, to the hard and beautiful conversations.

I will speak from where my spirit is and pray for guidance and humility. I will be a friend. I will be vulnerable. I will fail. I will try again. And I will always, always love.

Recent Posts:

Making space for my new life

In this new season of life, coffee and wine have been moved to the do not consume list. While I’m okay with that, I still miss the idea of what they represented for me: company, friends, comfort, warmth… I think that’s why I’ve been reluctant to tuck away the coffee pot and wine rack. John […]

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The frienship fern

I’ve adored this fern for years. I’ve protected it from deer, replanted it as it grew, and sat in its shade as it hung from the porch eave.  Caring for it every morning was part of how I calmed myself. This winter, I was too sick to care for it during the freeze and it […]

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I didn’t know what was coming, but God did

Five years ago, my life changed. Two of the people I loved the most passed away. My grandfather who helped raise me and my cousin who was only 39. She had five-month-old twins.  Trajedy like that brings clarity. I could see what really mattered and what I needed to change in my life. I was […]

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One good thing

Finding one good thing can make the world right again. Today, my good thing is very simple—cream of wheat. My stomach has been sick and my food choices, limited.  It’s been comforting to find one warm, soothing thing that I can eat. Would you believe that it’s become my equivalent for coffee and dessert? I’m […]

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More than a walk

I’ve been feeling a little down lately. I think that’s normal. The world is coming alive again and it emphasizes some of my limitations. I cherish the days when I’m healthy enough to walk through the creek behind our little house. There are so many spots to stop and rest. Usually when I slow down, […]

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Creating a “new normal” that honors God

As a people, we are not who we were pre-COVID-19. I am not who I was pre-dysautonomia diagnosis. I don’t think we would have gone through all of this to remain as we were. As we are re-emerging into new lives and routines, I think it’s worth reevaluating what living should look like. This has […]

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