Today is a day I have been dreading… John went back to the office. I dropped the girls off at school and came home to a dark house. The electricity was out and to my surprise, it felt comforting. I lit a candle, let the cat inside, and sat with the dog as we watched the drizzle fall outside. I didn’t feel alone and I didn’t feel scared. All the what if’s dissipated. (What if I need help? What if I have a bad day? turned into… I am fine. Today is a good day. Even if it were a bad day, I’d be okay.)
Here I was, dreading this day, but it feels peaceful like a calm after the storm.
I was lucky that John was working from home while I was at my worst. It was a huge blessing. When I needed help getting to the doctor, making meals, getting around the house—he was there. When I was scared—he was there.
Now, I’m doing much better and his leaving feels like a natural part of my healing. I’m on my way to becoming more independent again. I’m going to lean into it and enjoy the calm of this dark, quiet day.
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